subject to approval

Some days I am just that bit alarmed by how much you matter to me....

And then I think of how much it will hurt if you left...

And then how everything feels calm and in turmoil at the same time when you are there

And then the deafening silence after a conversation ends...

Some days I celebrate each thing you said... not necessarily because they are nice things but just that I want to believe each word and just be... Happy
Some days I get into a rut thinking if I should really think this way about us... do we even have a future? Where are we going? What is to become of us?...

Some days I just want to let go and let you know - everything!

And other times, I want to hide each bit of you and especially how you make me feel -deep inside - like some selfish giant with his precious garden!

So I swing between two extremes...

Just thinking of you and wanting to be with you...
And sometimes just being scared of the whole idea of being able to touch you or talk to you... because what would I have left if I didn't even have that?