Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Settling in or Is this my forever?

I used to scoff, once upon a time, when people asked me how I would "adjust" and if I was willing to "compromise" and "change" after marriage.
I now see why they did that - I am not sure how well I am doing or if I need to try harder. Surprisingly, some things are different for women coming in to another home - it has not been as seamless as I had hoped. Expectations play a major role. Of course, things which the son can get by with (doing or more importantly, not doing) are not the same things for his wife. 
I should mention at the outset, people have been more than nice to me. They have done more than their fair share of making space and allowing a foreign object to come and settle in their midst. I guess there is only so much that's possible without totally compromising your comfort zone. And change is never easy. It is not for me at least. I am sure some of the things I do appear as eccentric to them as well! 
Here, things do not revolve around me. Not that I was the sun at my home either - I was away most of the time at work or travelling - especially during the last few years - but at least some days Ma would cook the fish the way I like or she would avoid making the dal I hated or hug me when I went to sleep.
Here, they think I like something because it's about the only thing (okay, that's an exaggeration) I can eat without throwing up. Here, they barely suppress their exasperation when I want to photograph the food (okay, that was the way at home too). Here, no one cooks my way. Or asks if I would like something special for a weekend lunch or if I would want to go out somewhere for trying the phuchka there.
A lot is assumed, because frankly, they don't know me as yet. I don't know if I am worth knowing at all. What if they are not interested at all?
I have had a couple of meltdowns already. The only person I can really hurt or be rude to is my husband. Sometimes, he takes things in stride and sometimes, he strikes back. Sometimes, he is exasperating as hell.
I miss home. A lot. I miss my mess. My corners. My bed.
I miss the fact that I can't watch TV the way I used to. I am not comfortable with the tone or direction of the conversations always - the surprising right wingism is bewildering. Also, the fact that most conversations are about movies... but then that's okay I guess.
People are very comfortable talking about bodily functions in front of a roomful of people! I guess at home we are politer.

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